What’s more suspicious than a black man running? A black man tiptoeing.
Q. Why are most pills white? A. Because they work.
My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:
“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”
Does anybody know what ‘ternative’ means?
Feeling excited today. Just graduated from the police academy and also read in my horoscope that I’m gonna be meeting a tall dark stranger. Looking forward to trying out my new taser.
Don’t you just hate it when your Korean grandma makes a really nice chow-mein but then you find out your dogs gone missing.
What’s the difference between a refugee and E.T?
E.T. learnt English and wanted to go home!