I can count the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand….. It’s 7.
I said to my girlfriend, “Please get me a newspaper.” “Don’t be silly,” she replied, “you can borrow my iPad.”
That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
Tinder is for rookies. I used Facebook marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It gives you all the recently divorced females in your area and you can filter by size.
Did you hear about the new mummy they’ve discovered in Egypt? It was covered in nuts and chocolate.
They think his name was Pharaoh Rocher.
here is 2 interesting facts about me! 1) my knob is the same lenth as 2 argos pens!
2)im barred from argos
Last night I was gonna surprise my Korean Wife with a romantic meal but someone let the cat out of the bag.