Best Funny Political Jokes

Top 5 worst things to say to airport security.

1. This pat-down is really turning me on.
2. I have a sword in my pants.
3. Would you like to buy some cocaine? I can give you a special deal.
4. Why don’t you get a real job you fat f*ck?
5. Can you hurry up please? My bomb is due to explode in about 30 minutes!

It’s great that dangerous criminals like Bradley Manning are now safely behind bars. I was just about to go on a shooting spree at my local park and would hate it if someone filmed me and gave it to the media.

Marks and Spencer have recently announced they are going to merge with Poundstrecher.

The new supermarket will be called StrechMarks.

2020 Olympic high jump results:
Gold – Mexico
Silver – Mexico
Bronze – Mexico

I went to the bookshop today to get a book about conspiracies and government control of the media but I couldn’t find anything. Coincidence?

Got myself a Greek advent calendar today. Behind every door there’s a note saying “IOU chocolate”.