Best Funny General Jokes

Went to a positive thinking course last week, it was sh*t.

Why does a day have 24 hours?
Because this is the point scientists get bored of counting and they called it a day.

I asked a girl at the gym today what her New Years Resolution is and she said “F*ck you!”. Looks like 2017 is going to be a good year.

Just got my best friend a fridge for his birthday.

I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

ive always wanted to be a doctor but ive never had the patience…

I raised the fire-alarm at work today.

The midgets in my office were furious.