Best Funny General Jokes

I have a condition that stops me from dieting… I get hungry.

Just handed in my resignation to quit my job as a psychic. I just don’t see a future in it.

Me: Alexa, remind me to go to the gym.
Alexa: I have added gin to your shopping list.
Me: Close enough.

Did you hear about the teacher with the two lazy eyes? Apparently he can’t control his pupils.

That’s the last time I ever use dating websites. When I said I wanted to meet someone positive I didn’t mean HIV.

I have a fear of speed bumps

But i am slowly getting over it