Best Funny Dirty Jokes

I took a girl home the other night and while things were heating up I was hopelessly fumbling around trying to unclip her bra.

“Is this your first time?” She asked.
“No, you’re just the first one with with tits.”

Q. What hard and pink when it goes in and soft and wet when it comes out.
A. Bubblegum

Feeling a bit depressed today. Just noticed I’ve got a grey pubic hair. I didn’t freak out too much when i found it but the people in the lift looked terrified.

Got really bad sunburn yesterday so I decided to take Viagra. It doesn’t cure it but it really helps when sleeping to keep the bedsheets off my legs.

A 10yr old boy returns home and tells his parents, ‘ive just had sex with my English teacher!’
Outraged the mother storms out the room, while the father says ‘well done son, im going to get you that bike you wanted!
No thanks dad, after all that sex the saddle will no doubt hurt my arse.’

Got an email from a bored housewife the other day looking for ‘some action’ so I decided to send her some of my ironing to keep her busy.