Fed up of airport security. Just got stopped for carrying a bottle of water but a guy with a long beard and Turban went through straight away.
Yo mama is so ugly the only time she gets love is when she plays tennis.
When I was a child my parents used to wrap me up in cotton wool… which is why I was taken away by social services.
Why are scousers similar to batman? Because Robin helps them to survive.
Roses are red Violets are blue Love me today Or I Kill you.
Some people say pot smokers are lazy. I disagree. I’m a multitasking pot smoker. Just the other day I was walking down the street, smoking, talking on my cellphone and getting hit by a car all at the same time.