Q. What’s the difference between hard and light?
A. You can sleep with a light on.
Just been told off for swearing at work by my boss. The f*cking c*nt can go and f*ck himself.
I no longer see my wife and kids and it’s all because of gambling.
I won shitloads of money and moved to Spain.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and sheep? A wooly jumper
A man and a woman begin having sex in the middle of a field. After about 10 minutes, the man gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a torch!”. The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”
My mom always used to say “If you haven’t got anything nice to say then you can go f*ck yourself”.