I’m not saying my dad’s the jealous type, but we were never allowed to be breast fed…
Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So it’s easier for them to stand next to the kitchen sink.
Just lost 15 lbs on a new diet, it’s called ‘The Flu’.
Just broke up with my Chinese girlfriend. Watching someone squint while they’re giving you a BJ is really off putting.
Omg I think I might have died and gone to hell. Oh wait.. It OK, I’m just at work.
The following conversation took place at the doctors.
Farmer: Doctor, whenever I harvest my corn I get a really bad headache. Doctor: It’s a migraine. Farmer: No it’s not it’s mine.. and why the f*ck are you speaking with an Italian accent?