Just heard on the radio that apparantly 1 in 20 people live next door to a peodophile.
I don’t… I live next to a really fit 12 year old.
Kid: Wah wah, my toy is broke. Dad: Don’t worry duct tape can fix it. *Puts tape over kids mouth*
I’ve decided to be super lazy today. It’s a lot like normal lazy but i’m also wearing a cape.
Three things funerals and sex have in common!
1. They both put a stiff in a box. 2. They both require lots of tissues. 3. They can both sometimes make people cry.
My girlfriend asked me to take her to the zoo yesterday. I told her if they want to collect her they know where she lives.
Been with my wife 25 years today. Having sex with the same person for all that time takes a lot of dedication. I don’t know how she managed it.