Best Funny General Jokes

Collection of general hilarious funny short jokes that are guaranteed to make you laugh.

The Gym

in General Jokes
+214 -90

I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym,
“Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

Electric Chair

in General Jokes
+149 -39

The following conversation took place while a prisoner was awaiting execution by electric chair.

Priest: Do you have any last requests?
Prisoner: Yes I do, can I hold your hand?

Wedding

in General Jokes
+189 -80

Why is it when an old person comes up to me at a wedding as says “You’re next” its somehow socially acceptable but when I do the same to them at funeral I get into trouble?

Bus

in General Jokes
+162 -58

Why is it that good people are always the ones who get screwed over? The other day I gave my seat to an old lady on the bus and then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.

3 Weeks to Live

in General Jokes
+248 -145

The following conversation took place today at the hospital after the doctor told me I’ve only got 3 weeks to live.

Me: Is there nothing you can give me to help?
Doctor: Try drinking 1 litre of olive oil every day
Me: Will that cure me?
Doctor: No but it will make your cremation a lot quicker.

Maths Teacher

in General Jokes
+173 -81

Can’t believe how desperate my maths teacher is, he keeps asking me to find his x. I think it’s time he faced the truth, she’s not coming back.