Best Funny General Jokes

Collection of general hilarious funny short jokes that are guaranteed to make you laugh.

3 Weeks to Live

in General Jokes
+237 -137

The following conversation took place today at the hospital after the doctor told me I’ve only got 3 weeks to live.

Me: Is there nothing you can give me to help?
Doctor: Try drinking 1 litre of olive oil every day
Me: Will that cure me?
Doctor: No but it will make your cremation a lot quicker.

Wedding

in General Jokes
+173 -78

Why is it when an old person comes up to me at a wedding as says “You’re next” its somehow socially acceptable but when I do the same to them at funeral I get into trouble?

Bus

in General Jokes
+139 -54

Why is it that good people are always the ones who get screwed over? The other day I gave my seat to an old lady on the bus and then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.

Doctor

in General Jokes
+104 -23

Went to see the doctor last week, he gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him. Today the judge gave me 20 years, problem solved.

Maths Teacher

in General Jokes
+152 -77

Can’t believe how desperate my maths teacher is, he keeps asking me to find his x. I think it’s time he faced the truth, she’s not coming back.

Guinness World Records

in General Jokes
+109 -47

My penis was once in the Guinness World Records.

Until the librarian told me to take it out.