Best Funny General Jokes

Collection of general hilarious funny short jokes that are guaranteed to make you laugh.

The Gym

in General Jokes
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I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym,
“Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

Electric Chair

in General Jokes
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The following conversation took place while a prisoner was awaiting execution by electric chair.

Priest: Do you have any last requests?
Prisoner: Yes I do, can I hold your hand?


in General Jokes
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Why is it that good people are always the ones who get screwed over? The other day I gave my seat to an old lady on the bus and then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.


in General Jokes
+245 -100

Why is it when an old person comes up to me at a wedding as says “You’re next” its somehow socially acceptable but when I do the same to them at funeral I get into trouble?


in General Jokes
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Diet Day 1: Just removed all the fattening food from my house, it was delicious.

3 Weeks to Live

in General Jokes
+279 -165

The following conversation took place today at the hospital after the doctor told me I’ve only got 3 weeks to live.

Me: Is there nothing you can give me to help?
Doctor: Try drinking 1 litre of olive oil every day
Me: Will that cure me?
Doctor: No but it will make your cremation a lot quicker.