Have you heard about the new Harry Potter film coming out? He’s gonna be running his own abortion clinic using his new magic spell, fetus deletus.
Earlier today Prince Philip sent a message to the President wishing him a happy Independence Day. His message said “You did a great job destroying the alien mothership and humanity is forever grateful.”
I’ve decided to quit smoking and also quit eating bacon. As a substitute I now only eat smokey bacon.
Do you work for Subway because you just gave me a footlong.
My psychiatrist told me I need to stop comfort eating right away. Apparently fabric conditioner contains really dangerous chemicals.
What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at martial arts? The Carroty Kid