Saw a man earlier today at the beach shouting “Help, shark! Help!”. It made me laugh, there’s no way he was ever gonna convince a shark to help him.
Make sure you wear protection when your having phone sex.
I had phone sex the other night without protection and now I have hearing aids.
My dad died recently. He lost a lot of blood and nobody knew his blood-type. I’ll never forget his inspirational last words, “Be positive”.
Guy: Hi do you care about the environment? Girl: Yes. Guy: Well maybe we can take showers together to save water.
Just had the following conversation with my wife.
Wife: Can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained since lockdown. Me: You haven’t gained that much weight. Come on… chin up. No, the other one.
The following conversation took place between a husband and wife while discussing philosophy.
Wife: What’s the meaning of life? Husband: My dick! Wife: Yeah that’s true, life is short.