The Best Funny Virus jokes

Weighing Scale

in General Jokes
+58 -29

Stepped on my weighing scale this morning and it said:

“Please use social distancing, one person at a time”.

Survived

in Political Jokes
+37 -20

Shit I’ve survived:

Mad Cow Disease ✓
HIV Aids ✓
Sars ✓
Bird Flu ✓
Swine Flu ✓
Ebola ✓
Coronavirus (pending)

Weight

in Relationship Jokes
+23 -12

Just had the following conversation with my wife.

Wife: Can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained since lockdown.
Me: You haven’t gained that much weight. Come on… chin up. No, the other one.

Break Up Ideas

in Relationship Jokes
+28 -21

If you break up with your girlfriend and she wants to move out make sure you order her a taxi for 8pm on Thursday. That way with everyone clapping it’ll look like the whole street is glad to see the back of her.

Virus Over

in Relationship Jokes
+24 -20

When this virus is over I really hope people continue to stay the hell away from me.

Corona

in Political Jokes
+31 -29

I haven’t seen a virus like this since pornhub destroyed my mom’s desktop in 2005.