Instead of wasting money on costly egg timers simply boil your egg to perfection by getting in your car and driving at 60 mph for exactly 3 miles. When you reach the 3 mile mark call your wife and tell her to take it out the pan.
Terrible wrist injury in the Olympic Ladies Beach Volleyball earlier today. Hopefully my wrist will be OK by tomorrow.
My best friend just told me he’s having a baby. I asked him if he wanted a boy or a girl, he said he just wanted a blow job.
Q. How did the Irish man break his leg raking leaves?
A. He fell out of a tree.
Yo mama is so fat her nickname is ‘lardo’.
The following conversation took place while a hemophiliac was shopping.
Shop Assistant: Can I help you sir? Hemophiliac: No thanks, I’m just bruising.