Went to the gym last night and lost 4 stones in one day.
I accidentally ripped my leg off on the squat machine.
Five signs that a women is angry with you.
1. She’s silent. 2. She’s yelling. 3. She acts the same. 4. She acts different. 5. She murdered you.
Just got a Sat Nav for bachelors. After every turn you get a new woman.
A blind man walks into a bar.
Decided to have a posh wank today.
The people at the suit hire shop were really angry that I ruined their tuxedo.
Just did a great prank on my Grandma, I replaced all her sugar with cocaine.