I walked in on my best friend masturbating on her period last night. Let’s just say she was caught red handed.
The following conversation took place whilst having sex.
Guy: I think I hear someone coming? Girl: OMG!! Who is it? Guy: Meee, Ahhh! *Empties Sack*
Yo mama is so dirty when I asked her what’s for dinner she sat on my face and said Tuna.
Whenever I create a job advert I always instantly throw away half of the resumes I receive.
I don’t want unlucky people on my team.
Donald Trump went into hospital recently for a circumcision operation.The doctor said “Sorry I can’t go through with this. It’s too dangerous because Donald is a total dick”.
If Gordon Ramsay made sat-navs:
“F*ck off you brainless asshole, you were supposed to turn right!!”