I have a lot of painful childhood memories. I remember when my cat died my mum tried to replace it. She thought I wouldn’t notice but I did and I killed that cat as well.
Just been arrested after trying to donate my sperm at my local sperm bank. Apparently you’re supposed to fill the cup in private not in the reception area.
Q. What’s the difference between God and Rice Crispies?
A. God is infinitely old but the holy trinity of Snap, Crackle and Pop was actually created in the 1930s.
Took a girl back to my place last night and she had a massive beaver. After she got on top of me she asked “Have you taken precautions?” I said “Yes, I’ve tied my feet to the bed”.