As I sat down next to a bloke on the bus he gave me a really strange look.
“That’s typical,” I thought. “The bus is empty and yet I still end up sitting next to a f*cking nutcase.”
Took a girl back to my place last night and she had a massive beaver. After she got on top of me she asked “Have you taken precautions?” I said “Yes, I’ve tied my feet to the bed”.
Lost my internet connection last night and couldn’t use Facebook. I had to spend 4 hours calling 247 of my friends to tell them ‘I hate work, I’m having a glass of wine before going to bed, lol’.