Got a new job today following in my fathers footsteps… I’ve become a minesweeper.
Q. What do you call a Chinese person with a magnifying glass? A. Long Wang
Is you’re name L’Oreal? Because you’re worth it.
Don’t waste money on an electric toothbrush. Simply sellotape a manual toothbrush to your iPhone and set it to vibrate, then get your mum to call you every time you need to brush your teeth.
Did you hear about the police raid of a library in Bucharest?
Can’t believe my wife. Tried to have sex with her in the dark last night. I put my wiener into her hand and she “No thanks I don’t want to smoke.”