There’s a fine line between standing around next to some water and fishing.
Me: Do you here what scientists are saying? Her: No what. Me: That there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy Uranus.
Got a really nasty injury today from a mouse trap I didn’t see. That’s the last time I ever do push-ups in the nude.
Yo mama is so stupid she stands on one leg at the ATM machines to check her balance.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a politician?
A politician is more expensive, talks more and f*cks you for longer.
What’s the fastest thing in the sea?
Stevie Wonder’s Ferrari.