Yo Mama is so fat.. she’s got more Chins than a Chinese telephone directory!
Last night my wife told me she wanted to do some role-play and aked me to pick any scene from any film. She quickly realised this was a mistake after I shouted “THIS IS SPARTA” and kicked her down the stairs.
My doctor recently told me to keep away from alcohol so I now drink using a 10ft long straw.
Just been given a job after the following interview.
Interviewer: Do you have any experience operating heavy machinery? Me: Does your mum count? Interviewer: Ha ha, genius, you’re hired!
Really fed up with my new Thai bride!
She keeps leaving the toilet seat up!
Girl at the RyanAir check-in just told me “window or aisle”.
I replied “Window or you’ll what?”.