Love taking French lessons! Sometimes I get so excited sometimes a little “oui” comes out.
Q. What’s worse that your mum walking in on you when you’re watching internet p*rn?
A. Changing the tab to Facebook and then realising your 14 year old sister’s “Beach Holiday” photos are on the monitor.
The following text messages were exchanged between a boyfriend and girlfriend.
GF: nose GF: I just typed “nose” with my nose! BF: penis
My wife got me a mood ring the other day for me to wear so she can monitor my mood.
When I’m in a good moon the ring turns green, when I’m angry it leaves a big red mark on her forehead.
My friend told me masterbating with a dead hand feels a lot better but after trying it I’m now in police custody and my local church has permanently banned me from funerals.
Just had the following conversation with a police man after speeding.
Police: Do you know why I pulled you over for speeding? Me: Is it because it would have been too windy to speak while we were driving?