I’m going through a divorce at the moment and my wife told me she is going to make sure that my bank balance is £0… That’s nice of her, paying off my debts.
What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common?
They both turn “o” into an “O”.
I love Jesus. He’s born, I get presents. He dies, I get chocolate. He’s the best.
“Can you tie a good knot”?
“I cannot.”
“So you can knot?”
“No, I cannot knot!”
“Not knot?”
“Who’s there?”
“Fuck off!”
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman? Rick O’Shea.
I can just about handle going to work, but it’s the 8 hour wait to go home that really sucks the life out of me.