My wife recently starting taking cooking lessons and last night she surprised me by making spaghetti puttanesca with freshly baked garlic bread. After we finished the meal she said “Now be brutally honest, what did you think?”. I said “That meal was incredible, you fat c*nt”.
When it comes to drugs I always say “no”. People keep asking me but I just don’t have any to spare, my house is too small for large scale production.
I went on my first ever date with a girl last night, I treated her like a princess. It took the fire brigade 3 hours to cut us out after we crashed in the tunnel.
Q. What do Katy Perry and B&Q (Home Depot) have in common?
A. They can both give you wood.
Every year charities spend millions trying to end poverty and nothing ever changes. Maybe it’s time to accept the facts. If you live in the middle of a desert and the nearest supermarket is hundreds of miles away MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
Q. What do you call an Irish Lesbian?
A. Gay-lic