Best Funny General Jokes

Not trying to brag but i have enough money to not work for the rest of the year.

Just been attacked by a thug with a bat.

It’s amazing how good thugs are at training animals these days.

Q. What do you get when you mix 2 different types of bread together?
A. A hy-bread.

As I sat down next to a bloke on the bus he gave me a really strange look.
“That’s typical,” I thought. “The bus is empty and yet I still end up sitting next to a f*cking nutcase.”

AGNB is bang out of order!

Went to see my psychiatrist today. I keep having dreams where I’m a famous author working on the the Lords of The Rings Trilogy. He said it sounds like I’ve been Tolkien in my sleep.