Best Funny General Jokes

Just been on a date with a really attractive woman. Well it wasn’t really a date, we just had a meal together and watched a film. After a few hours the plane landed and we went our separate ways.

Patient: Doctor, my legs hurts when I move it
Doctor: Then do not move it, simple as that.
Patient: Okay…. my stomach hurts when i eat too.
Doctor: Then don’t eat.
Patient: Wow….lastly, my lungs hurt when I breathe. LET ME GUESS. DON’T BREATHE?
Doctor: Um.. No. You have lung cancer and you’re going to die in 3 days.

Q. What’s the richest cheese in the world?

A. Paris Stilton

Got food poisoning from a restaurant today. I ordered the fish of the day… unfortunately it turns out the day was actually last week.

Definition of Askhole – Someone who always asks for your advice but does the opposite of what you say.

Just been sacked from my job at the casino. Apparently when they hired me as a dealer I wasn’t supposed to try and sell crack cocaine to customers.