Best Funny General Jokes

Just discovered a great way to save time in the morning. I now eat breakfast before I go to bed.

I recently started taking steps to cure my alcohol problem. It hasn’t worked, I’ve just got loads of angry window cleaners looking for me and a house full of ladders.

When I was growing up my parents made a lot of sacrifices. They were actually devil worshipers.

My girlfriend keeps telling me to treat her like a princess so today I got her some expensive jewelry and then I decided to have her father executed for treason.

If everything is made of atoms why does ice-cream taste really nice and dog shiite taste so bad? Explain that one Einstein.

Three steps to being more grown up at work:

1. Replace “F*ck you” with “Ok, great” .
2. Try to say “Please” more often instead of “Bitch please”.
3. Make sure you have plenty of alone time to reduce pent up anger.