Best Funny General Jokes

Someone crashed my car earlier today. I found a note on the windshield that said:

“Sorry, I reversed into your car. Loads of people saw me do it so I decided to leave you this note. They think I’m leaving you my name and address but I’m not. Good luck with the repairs.”

Just seen a sign for the Samaritans on the back of a bus. Surely it would be more useful on the front.

The following conversation took place in an Irish bar.

Paddy: How much is your beer?
Barman: £3 a pint or £8 a pitcher.
Paddy: I’ll just have a pint, f*ck the photo!

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Don’t you just hate it when you put on 20 lbs for an acting role and then you realize you’re not an actor.

I recently decided to start writing poetry.

POETR

That’s enough for today.