Best Funny General Jokes

Life is like a box of chocolates, it’s goes really quickly if you’re fat.

Went to a barbershop today for a shave. The barber wanted me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth to get a closer shave around my cheeks.

I said: “What if I swallow the ball?”
He said: “No problem, just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else.”

When life throws you lemons, make lemonade… But also remember that unless you add water and sugar your lemonade will taste like shit.

My doctor is such an idiot. He recently told me I need to loose weight and recommended I start eating apples instead of potato chips, I’m pretty sure apples weigh more.

Just been diagnosed with chronic fear of giants… or Feefiphobia as my doctor calls it.

If one of my jokes offends you

1. I’m sorry
2. It won’t happen again.
3. 1 and 2 are lies.
4. You’re a pussy.