Best Funny General Jokes

I’m putting out vodka and potatoes for Santa this year. I heard he lost his job to a Polish guy.

Four out of five dentists recommended flossing every day.

The other one is out killing lions.

Can’t believe how crap this no more tears shampoo is. I’ve been feeding it to my kid for the past hour and he still hasn’t stopped crying.

I love Sainsburys. Just found a button on the self-checkout machines that says “cancel payment”. If you press it you can walk out of the store without paying.

What a great supermarket.

What do Benefit street and Sesame street have in common?

They both have a big bird, a guy living in a bin and people trying to learn the alphabet.

Q. Why do women defy the laws of gravity?
A. Because the heavier they get the easier they are to pick up.