Best Funny General Jokes

Can’t believe I’ve been banned by Apple from making iPhone apps. Apparently thousands of people complained that my ‘weighing scales’ app broke their phone.

Just scared the postman today by going to the door naked.

Not sure what scared him more, my body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

I hope the thief who stole my anti-depressants is happy now.

How to fight against a women with a knife in 3 steps.

Step 1 – Get some bread.
Step 2 – Get some mayonnaise.
Step 3 – Tell her to make a sandwich.

A new scientific study has found that Americans are the fattest group of people on the planet. Chasing the ‘American Dream’ does not count as exercise America.

Knock knock,
Who’s there?
Grandad . .
Shiiit, stop the funeral!