Best Funny General Jokes

I have a condition that stops me from dieting… I get hungry.

Just handed in my resignation to quit my job as a psychic. I just don’t see a future in it.

Me: Alexa, remind me to go to the gym.
Alexa: I have added gin to your shopping list.
Me: Close enough.

I have a fear of speed bumps

But i am slowly getting over it

Running from your problems never helps… unless the problem is that you’re too fat.

I phoned my work this morning and said, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.” He said, “You have a wee cough?” I said, “Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!”