Best Funny General Jokes

Fell asleep with my iPhone under my pillow last night and when I woke up it was gone and replaced with a shiny new fifty pence piece. Damn that Blue-Tooth Fairy.

Just found out my toaster isn’t waterproof. I was shocked.

I have a condition that stops me from dieting… I get hungry.

Did you hear about the teacher with the two lazy eyes? Apparently he can’t control his pupils.

That’s the last time I ever use dating websites. When I said I wanted to meet someone positive I didn’t mean HIV.

I have a fear of speed bumps

But i am slowly getting over it