Best Funny General Jokes

Some people say alcohol is dangerous but I disagree. The people on the Titanic didn’t die from drinking too much alcohol, they died from drinking too much water.

Can’t believe it’s pancake day today.

It’s really crêped up on me.

My doctor told me today that I have the body of a 25 year old.
Not sure how he discovered my secret so I decided to kill him and bury them both together.

Just ordered a licence number plate BAA BAA.

Should look cool on my black jeep.

Found my birth certificate the other day. It was an apology from the condom factory.

Tried to share a sandwich with a homeless guy today.
He said, “F*ck off. Get your own.”