Best Funny General Jokes

Saw this stunning girl at a bar last night. I got her a drink, walked over to her and then felt my knees go weak and my stomach turn to butterflies. Turns out that I spiked the wrong drink by mistake.

Just found out that I’m colourblind…

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

The man who invented auto-correct spell checking died today.
Restaurant in peace.

I can just about handle going to work, but it’s the 8 hour wait to go home that really sucks the life out of me.

Just been fired from my job as an airline pilot for smoking weed on my first day 🙁 .

Apparently I misunderstood them when they told me to “get high” after takeoff.

My parents always taught me to chase my dreams but last night the police told me that stalking women is actually illegal and if they catch me again I could be sent to jail.