Tomorrow is national orgasm day. Are you coming?
It’s amazing how quickly the sales staff at Ikea come to “assist you” once you take off your trousers and get into one of their beds.
The following conversation took place between a mother and her son after school.
Mum: Your headmaster told me you used the C word in class today. That wasn’t clever was it?
Son: No, it was cunt!
I took a girl home the other night and while things were heating up I was hopelessly fumbling around trying to unclip her bra.
“Is this your first time?” She asked. “No, you’re just the first one with with tits.”
They call me the fireman because I turn on all the hose.
How do you kill a hundred flies in one hit? Hit a African child with a shovel!