Earlier today I swallowed two pieces of string and they came out tied together. I shit you knot.
People call me Dave, but you can call me Tonight!
The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Wife: Tell me something that will make me wet. Husband: Go outside, it’s raining.
The following conversation took place while on holiday.
Husband: Do you want to have sex? Wife: No… what about my friend? She’s in the next room. Remember? Husband: Ok.. I’ll go ask her then.
Yo mama is so ugly she celebrates Halloween everyday.
My dad is obsessed with turning off lights and unplugging things which is why he’s just been fired from his job at air traffic control.