There are four stages in life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said “Well, I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”
Just been fired from my new job at the bank.
An old lady asked me to check her balance so I jumped on her back.
Why do some people think it’s cute when lovers carve their names into a tree? I personally think taking a knife on a date is a bit creepy.
Men who say that a woman’s place is in the kitchen are making a big mistake, that’s where the knives are kept.
Hypocrisy – When a Jehovahs Witness doesn’t celebrate Halloween because they don’t like random people knocking on their doors.