I’ve just invented a great new iPhone alarm app. If you press the snooze button 3 times it automatically emails your boss telling them that your gonna be sick.
Just been threatened by my housemate for stealing his clothes. I nearly sh*t his pants.
Had a really great night out last night according to my police report.
Why do anorexics love KFC? Because it comes with a bucket.
Q: How do you pick up a Jewish girl? A: With a dustpan
How come the film ‘White Men Can’t Jump’ is ok but when I make a new film called ‘Black Men Can’t Get Jobs’ it gets called racist?