Just been threatened by my housemate for stealing his clothes. I nearly sh*t his pants.
Had a really great night out last night according to my police report.
‘Black Friday’ is such a scam, stuff’s not even that cheap. I prefer ‘Black Riot Day’, all you need to do is find a good shop with the windows broken and you can grab as much stuff as you like totally free of charge.
Just invented a vaccine that can save 3 million Africans per year.
It’s called FOOD.
My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight. She needs to lighten up.
I had a threesome last night.
Two people didn’t show up though, so I had to take matters into my own hands.