Had an overdose on Viagra last night. My wife took it really hard.
Spoke to my family today after my WiFi went down. They seem like nice people.
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
I love blind dates. I spent the whole time staring at her tits and she didn‘t even notice.
I’ve just invented a great new iPhone alarm app. If you press the snooze button 3 times it automatically emails your boss telling them that your gonna be sick.
Just been threatened by my housemate for stealing his clothes. I nearly sh*t his pants.