If I’m ever on life support unplug me then plug me back in. That usually works.
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the beach she’s the only one that gets a tan.
How to get free pizza on NYE.
Order a pizza 5 minutes before midnight and then when the person arrives get really angry and shout “I ordered the damn thing a year ago!” .
Four facts about women that prove they can do miracles.
1. They can get wet without taking a shower. 2. Bleed without being hurt. 3. Producing milk without eating grass. 4. Making boneless meat hard.
Girlfriend just accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Whatever you do always give 100%, unless your donating blood.