Yo mama is so ugly even a boiling kettle won’t whistle at her.
Just watched an incredible documentary on cocaine. From now on i’m going to watch all documentaries this way.
Q. How do you make a pool table laugh? A. Reach into its pockets and tickle its balls.
My wife used to be afraid of the dark until she saw me nayked, now she’s afraid of the light.
I don’t always get asked out on dates but when I do it’s always April 1st.
Got thrown out of my local swimming pool today for urinating. I probably could have got away with it if I was in the pool and not on the diving board.