Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11?
Americans can’t milk a cow for 16 years.
The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Husband: It’s a bit muggy tonight my love. Wife: If you’ve put all our mugs in the garden again I’m gonna divorce you. Husband: *Drinks a sip of tea from plant pot.*
I shagged a bird last night. Keep it quiet though, I don’t want her to find out.
I’d love to see you take a sh*t.
Failed a drug test today at school. I scored an E.
If every day is a gift then in 2016 I’ve mostly been getting socks.