When booking holidays online this summer remember that when it comes to hotels star ratings mean nothing. I went to this terrible hotel last year that apparently had the biggest collection of stars in the world, it was called Auschwitz.
My son walked in today with his new girlfriend.
“This is Sarah,” he burst out.
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” I smiled.
“Really? All good I hope,” she smirked.
“Oh yes, he’s a lucky boy,” I replied. “It was a year before his mother let me do her in the ass.”
My parents recently died in a tragic plane crash. Am I still allowed to watch PG movies?
The following conversation took place in a park.
Person 1 “Is that ur dog?” Person 2 “No I had to adopt him. I spent years trying to make one but in the end wasn’t able to conceive.”
Just opened my kitchen cupboard and loads of Omega 3 vitamin containers fell on my head.
It’s OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.
Man: How big are your lips? Woman: *Gives some sort of response* Man: No, I mean your other lips.