Got a valentines card from my Grandma earlier today which was sweet but unnecessary, we haven’t had sex in years.
Just failed my driving test. Apparently when then instructor said “Wait till I hit my dashboard” he wasn’t talking about his face.
My cousin is such a hypocrite. He said he was against the death penalty but last week he killed himself.
What does Mr Kipling like to do in his spare time?
Fill tarts with cream.
What’s orange and looks like a cat? A lion.
Found my first grey pubic hair today… It was in a kebab!