I accidently ate some Christmas decorations the other day and now I have a really sore throat. I went to the doctors and he said it looks like I have tinsel-itus.
Last night my wife asked me to treat her like a princess so I bought her a Mercedes and drove her into a wall.
What do you call a Japanese man who has eaten too much rice?
Nowa Nidashi (Now I need a sh*t)
Just been arrested after hosting a dinner party. Apparently jerk chicken isn’t supposed to contain any bodily fluids.
Hi I’m a chicken farmer. Fancy coming over to my farm to see my cock?
The news is full of lies… Just went to the bank to get my hair cut and security escorted me from the premises!