Just found out my Asian friend died last week… So Yung.
Just had the following conversation with my mum
Me: I’m going out! Mum: You’re not leaving until you’ve changed that mini-skirt!! Me: Why? Mum: Because I can see your balls Richard.
Just had a really big argument with my wife about going on holiday. I wanted to go to Paris, she wanted to come with me.
Today I did that thing where you walk into a room and totally forgot what you went in for. It was only when the shit started running down my leg that I remembered
Got attacked by a group of mime artists last night. They did unspeakable acts to me.
Apparently when someone messages you a picture of their new baby it’s offensive to send a message back saying “Better luck next time”!