Lost my internet connection last night and couldn’t use Facebook. I had to spend 4 hours calling 247 of my friends to tell them ‘I hate work, I’m having a glass of wine before going to bed, lol’.
Got a free tattoo on my arm yesterday. All I had to do was accidentally pour boiling water on myself.
Q. What’s a Hindu? A. Lay eggs.
How come when a white person runs someone over it’s called a ‘traffic incident’ but when a Muslim does it they call it a ‘terrorist incident’?
Surfer 1: I love surfing! Surfer 2: I thought you’re afraid of surfing! Surfer 1: The Internet, that is!
Just been attacked by a thug with a bat.
It’s amazing how good thugs are at training animals these days.