You look like I need another drink…
Q. Why didn’t the lifeguard safe the hippy? A. Because he was too far out man!!
Since his release on bail Oscar Pistorious has decided to spend the weekend clay pigeon shooting to relax. So far he’s accidentally killed 2 elephants and shot a Jeep that was on safari.
I had phone sex last night but now my iPhone vibrate has stopped working.
Why do women love gold more than men?
Because gold has 24 carrots whereas a man only has 1 carrot !
Q. Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A. Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.