I got thrown out of Barclays Bank today. I was trying to deposit £300,000 in cash but apparantly monopoly money is not a “real currency”!
Women are like parking spaces. Sometimes all the best ones are taken so the only choice you have is to stick it in the disabled.
The day homelessness will end is the day when the ‘Big Issue’ decides to start including pictures of tits.
Just signed a £250,000 per week contract to play for Manchester United.
I just need to get them to sign it now.
Oscar Pistorius may be guilty but to be fair girls spend f*cking ages in the bathroom!
Did anyone else see the London Marathon the other day? Seems a bit cruel to get hundreds of Ethiopians and Kenyans to run around for miles and then give them an empty silver plate at the end.