Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he will bore you for hours talking about fishing and he will keep posting photos of himself with fish on Facebook.
Had sex with someone called Maria Kipling last night. She was exceedingly good.
Yo mama’s so dirty she’s taken down more boxers than Mike Tyson.
The day homelessness will end is the day when the ‘Big Issue’ decides to start including pictures of tits.
Just signed a £250,000 per week contract to play for Manchester United.
I just need to get them to sign it now.
Oscar Pistorius may be guilty but to be fair girls spend f*cking ages in the bathroom!